Peace I Give to You

Funeral lessons were drawn from both Testaments.

From the Old Testament, Psalm 121:1-2

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills

From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the Lord…”

 

A Song of Ascent, which continues to be quite the personal message, considering Jeff’s emphatic announcement that my baptism one year before his death was more important to him than our wedding day.

When he said, “Now, I know you’ll be alright,” he meant my place in our Father’s house would be secured.

Not premonitious; just a declaration of peacefulness. Jeff reveled in the calm that my soul was safely held and would be accounted for in heaven. The greatest of gifts.

It’s taken me a few years to appreciate this is the eternal promise that kept me going strong through the first few years.

It’s taken me a few more years to admit I have loosened my grip, lost my hold: effectively muted the joy. Despite that, here I am.  With barely any effort on my part, still going forward.

The thing is, I’m ready to revise, now. Just about everything. I want to begin again. Embrace what needs renewal.

2008, down 118 pounds. 2020, I’ve gained 12 back, slowly.

It’s easy to break it into bites that please my palate. That’s only a pound a year!

Except I am now further out away from what should have continued. You see, I wasn’t done. 30 more to go is now 42.

It’s also easy to declare this is what I want. The hard part is action; required.

Then, there’s trying to do too much. Or too much to do, so, not trying.

I know what I must do. I always know what I must do.

There’s really only one way through. But, to take that path….

First things first: reclaim the calm.

Quote for the Week:

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à la (turtle) mode

Despite the common characterization of game-play turtle mode as weakness; in life’s arena, it is not.

Hard-back turtling lessens the effects of external impacts, but offers no relief from internal storms.

Without the disadvantaging noise of detractors, non-quiet leverages irrationality and self-criticism to an adversarial elevation.

Over-offering, repeatedly, in a situation that hasn’t yet and isn’t projected to change, depletes.

What begins as tiring escalates into exhausting.

 

Adding layers to overshadow error is akin to covering a souring store-bought pie in hand-cranked ice cream.

Of course, it will taste better at first bite, but the snap bites back.

Not even the sweet, creamy temporariness of ice cream can drown out the decomposition of our restrained relationships or the bitterness of rejection bile.

Insisting on internalizing the obvious rottenness of turned fruit leaves us sicker than pure abstinence.

 

It takes immense strength to assume a position of self-coverage; to willfully withdraw outside influence.

As bodies rest from over exertion, so must souls, and hearts:

“Commune with your heart upon your bed and be still.” (Psalm 4:4)

 

Staying engaged to circumstance for the sake of affordability and ease is an attractive solution for many, though rarely solid and often lacking longevity.

Is it easier to be the one who pulls in to avoid encouragement of feeding or fueling pain, or the one who remains out desperately wanting back in, against their nature willing to embrace any change?

Neither, really. Each comes with its own unique bad-tasting backwash of turtle-soup flavored doubt, pain, fear, and loss.

 

Often uncredited, José N. Harris’ internet-splashed prose plucked from the pages of MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love: offers confirmation.

 “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.”

 

When walking away isn’t immediately possible, employ another self-worth protecting, but truly temporary option.

Turtle: pause, but do not remain suspended: do not allow indefinite prolongation.

Be aware and beware: the heart and mind and GOD-given soul wane without ebb and flow.

Turtle: safely resurface, and continue as Harris contends, to,

“Surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

 

Quote for the week:

Take a walk with a turtle. And behold the world in pause. – Bruce Feiler

Enjoy this week’s discovery links:

Turtle Soup: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/emeril-lagasse/turtle-soup-recipe.html#  (I tried it: in New Orleans, after the person who ordered it assumed a remarkably turtle-like face on the first bite, and pushed it away.):

Jose Harris:  http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4631437.Jos_N_Harris

Bruce Feiler: http://brucefeiler.com/about/about-bruce/

à la mode: not only ice cream: http://www.answers.com/topic/la-mode

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