The Don’t Resolution



Here we go, again, into a new year pursuing weight-loss, budget-wrangling, perfection, idealism.

Here I go again, beginning the obligatory self-preaching routine: these are the things I need to do.


Here’s what I’ve learned: what I think I want isn’t always the prize I hoped or thought it would be.

Here’s what I’ve decided: it’s ridiculous to keep chasing the same carrot.


This year isn’t going to be the year I do the things I want to do.

This will be the year of not doing the things I don’t want to do.


I don’t want to wait.

I don’t want to deny.

I don’t want to worry.

I don’t want to dislike.

I don’t want to be difficult for any reason.

I don’t want to bow to unreasonableness.

I don’t want to scrutinize my shortcomings.

I don’t want to focus on the way things have been.

I don’t want to find out I should have or could have.

I don’t want to attempt to be something I never will be.

I don’t want to hold out anti-achievements as future possibilities.

I don’t want to accept this is all there is to here and now and forever.


Quote for the Week:

It’s ridiculous to keep chasing the same carrot

Enjoy this Week’s Discovery Links:

Don’t Outsmart Your Common Sense:

Don’t Miss This:

Live Like:

simply non-absorbing

Canceled flights, postponed meetings, put downs, over-waiting, under-eating, the over-ignored melancholy of having missed the importance of affections; meltdown. The unusually stacked, short-time string of dismissals tweaked me one tiny notch too far.

The result was a temper tantrum; the kind that comes about when I haven’t gotten my way in a really long time. The sort pressure-cooker steam-off that surfaces when my worths (self or external) are ignored or devalued.

I never know when that’s going to be. I only know when I get there.

It wasn’t entirely my fault. Truly, I may have been headed toward angry-ville anyway, but I had an over-sufficient amount of help getting there. A few fast-run to dead-stop power kicks helped punt me through the uprights, and the wide-open door to furyland.

I could have kept shrugging my shoulders, knowing from experience, the weight of the world loses its heft when you religiously exercise the muscles holding it up. I just chose not to.

Instead, I walked away. Literally, down sidewalks, around corners, unconcerned. If my random turnings turned me around, GPS would just have to guide me back. As usual, I made it on my own. A few miles and almost an hour later, I was tangled up in spent.

I de-shoed, de-capped, de-socked and de-shorted and decided I couldn’t decide what needed to happen next. Too confused to eat, too upset to make sense; too watery-eyed to read texts, I couched.

I really do try to avoid confrontations. It wasn’t always that way, and it’s not that easy for me now. Even though a trying moment might have ended, I can’t always get over it. I can’t always let go.

I’d like enlighten, enrich, and make the world a better place by pointing out bad faith and false profession, but history has shown there’s not much success in that approach.

I try not to tell it like it is, and give myself credit for having learned something over the years.

Nobody wants to hear the truth. Nobody wants to know if they are bossy, or inconsiderate, or lazy… or bordering on mean for no good reason. I know this, because I’m one of those nobody’s too.

I’ve examined the clichés, the verses and the proverbs. I cannot find any evidence to support the notion that we are all supposed to be sop-ups. Nothing requires any of us to be an emotional sponge.

Soaking in the dramatic static of others’ lives just isn’t healthy; repeated wringing wears away our civil surface and unprotects the soul.

So, while I strive to seem pacifistically accepting, I embrace an entirely different definitive power beneath my stoic surface. This is my solvent and my equilibrium.

I am no longer swaying with or subscribing to the soak and squeeze.

I am only self-obligated to osmose the good stuff, at my determination.

If there can’t be any of that, I’ll stand here silently; simply non-absorbing.

Quote for the week:

I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have life itself.  ~ Walter Anderson

Enjoy this week’s discovery links:

Osmosis for Kids:

Minimize Drama:

In-depth Goal Posting:

Soaking in the dramatic static of

Affirmation Pants

My life has been a little different lately; lots of talk and introductions.

For years, my friend Desiree has encouraged me to find a mantra. She has one she uses regularly to sign email. While it’s not an uncommon thing to do in email, I interpret most sign-offs to be quirky, personal, inspirational quotes that mean something to whomever is using it.

I’ve never had a mantra. I’ve never been that inspired by any singular quote. I’ve also been operating under the assumptions that a) I’d have to be in a meditative state to use a mantra, b) if I was in a meditative state, I wouldn’t need a mantra and c) any old saying would do. I figured it was just a distractive phrase to take you out of where you were: to redirect and elevate your situationally frustrated consciousness above whatever situation was causing the need to do so.

I admit I’ve probably taken inappropriate liberties with any un-niceties I’ve repeatedly muttered under my self-justified breath. SBM, FtLoP, LBCJ. All mantras I’ve coined. Sometimes, I’ll throw in a more mainstream IDGaF. If you know what any of those abbreviations mean, you’ve probably heard them from me a number of times. If you don’t, consider yourself lucky. It’s just as well.

As I mentioned, I’ve recently been introduced to a number of speculative persons who are either trying to figure me out, or trying to help me figure me out.

Last week, I could have saved them all the trouble by confidently spouting forth my firm belief in my beliefs. This week, though, I’ve got a whole different story.

One of those speculators introduced me to Pema Chödrön – an American Buddhist Nun who re-teaches Buddhist concepts to the current world. I found used copies of “Don’t Bite the Hook” and “Getting Unstuck” on Amazon. Audio was recommended, so that’s the way I went. It took me three evenings to get past the first 5 segments of “Don’t Bite…”. I just kept replaying them over and over, becoming more and more amazed. It’s really quite simple. In fact, it’s so simple, it seems too simple.

“Getting Unstuck,” got into that mantra thing again, so I considered some nerve-striking sayings I’ve taped to my desk, my mirror, my fridge, my closet. I chose to channel a moody affirmation offered by Snow Patrol’s, Gary Lightbody: “This isn’t Everything you are.”

I was doing ok with that one. It has pulled me out of quite a few uncomfortable moments, while reminding me that this moment, when things have gone awry – this very specific moment, isn’t everything I am. It’s just a moment. It will pass.

You’re probably wondering about the title pants. I bought a new pair with some forceful encouragement, and the unreserved observation that they made me look like I actually have a butt. I don’t. I’ve got Noassatol disease. (Say it aloud a few times. You’ll get it. ;-)) In any case, I wore those Lee “Sinfully Soft” style pants today. When you’re buying pants, you make sure they fit. You may not check out what the closure button says. You may not read the hangtag description. If they fit, and you like them, and they’re the right price, on clearance at Kohl’s with an additional 30% off coupon, you buy them.

Then, one day, when you’ve been over-using your newly acquired mantra, you discover something remarkable. Something that literally packs the power to make you laugh in delight… in the company restroom. And you don’t really care who hears you, because there, in your pants, appropriately where they should be while you’re doing what you do in a bathroom, there are affirmations. Written affirmations on the lining and creative pocket pouches of your new pants. Phrases; lot’s of them. Lots of encouraging affirmations:

You are Valued.

You are Creative.

You are Successful.

You are Confident.

You are Inspiring.

You are laughing because you never expected to be taking graffiti encouragement from your pants.

It’s been clinically proven that laughter reduces stress, and just when you’ve relaxed enough to stop giggling, you realize you’ve been carrying those phrases on you all day, and it makes you laugh a little more. It makes you feel… good.

Thank you, Lee jeans company for the amazing, affirmative, and very comfortable pants.
affirmative pants Lee

. Quote for the Week:

“It’s a miracle I was able to get out of the house today. It’s a miracle I’m even wearing pants, a double miracle I remembered to wear shoes.” ― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

Enjoy this week’s discovery links:

Pema Chödrön:

Pema Chödrön: (video) Heightened Neurosis, Trouble Makers, and Not Biting the Hook:

Making Affirmations Work: