I guess you could say, somewhere in the middle, I somewhat started on a weird winding road of acetic acceptance. On the daily drive home, I used to think to myself, “I wonder if today’s the day I’ll get home and find him dead.” I decided I’d have enough of that scenario in my head. I felt it was time to let it out. Time to ask for help.
I wrote a letter to some of Jeff’s friends and family. I’m surprised I don’t have a copy of that letter, but I don’t. I asked everyone to come see him, to tell him he was important, to see if they could convince him to take better care of himself, to stop chewing tobacco. I don’t know which came first, in a chicken or the egg sort of way – either I told him, or he found out about it.
It’s one of the few times I made Jeff really mad. He said I made him look stupid. I shrugged and raised my voice. “You are stupid! You’re not doing enough to help yourself.”
It was also one of two times, I made Jeff cry. Tough love is tough on the person giving it, too. If he cried, I cried. If I cried, he’d try to cheer me up or make me laugh. Not exactly an even exchange, but, somehow, we’d both end up laughing.
He said the problem was that he was bored being stuck at home with nothing to do and no one to talk to. The meds made him foggy and mostly he just watched TV, or read, or spent hours at the computer.
So, I started a daily Jeff list. Only 3 or 4 things that I’d like him to accomplish that day.
It wasn’t all chores. It was some mundane tasks, a few challenges, and some silly stuff. I found a few of my lists in between orders in the store files. Don’t know if Jeff put them there on purpose or if they accidentally got filed away with paperwork. Some of the highlights were:
Launder bed sheets (I’ll put them on when I get home.)
Check the Power Ball #’s. (No one matched all 5 #’s, but I’ll take anything!)
Water plants (I love our garden!)
Don’t forget to check the NASCAR channel. Al Unser Jr. is expected to retire today.
Go through papers on the dining room table, please.
Call Kapnick’s and find out how much the sweet cherries will be. The sign says “place orders now.”
Research Michigan vendors who might sell us their hot sauce at wholesale.
Figure out what meds you need to re-order.
Wear socks! It will help the rubbing of your feet.
Call the doctor re: Anodyne machine
Defrost the chicken, so it will be ready to cook for dinner.
Set your alarm for med times.
Take naps often – feet up, please!
Quote for the Week: