I found them. I found them in the last place I looked, which would have been amusing like the long-standing joke, except I wasn’t amused. I was done.
During my weeks of frantic searching, I found myself revisiting the same places. When I didn’t find what I’d been looking for in any of the obvious places, I logically made a firm list, of course.
I won’t bore you with all the details, although there were some things that bear mentioning. I rediscovered reams of specialty papers, printable stickers, printable window clings, printable fabric, printable shrink-dinks, printable business cards and a complicated foldy-card thing that I’m not even sure I would ever attempt again.
As exciting as all that was, once I’d been through my list, re-searched all the places I’d searched before and more, I set it aside and let my eyes leak a little. Not just once, either, but when there’s nothing you can do, there’s nothing you can do.
Early Saturday morning, I took myself on a 3-mile walk. I came home exhausted, weepy and probably a little low in the sugar department. Chomping a nectarine, I headed for a shower and fell apart.
The pictures had become a hangnail part of my life I just couldn’t properly trim off.
To be honest, writing this blog has been hard. I’d been avoiding truly crying for weeks; the overwhelmed, sobbing kind. But, the time had come and I gave in, voicing aloud what I’d been thinking so long.
“God, I need help.’ I choked. “I don’t want it to be ten years. I don’t want it to be any years!”
It took a bit to get myself together and decide I was being stupid. I figured I might as well seal this episode up and do what I had to do.
I needed to move some things from one location to another, so I did.
Halfway through that, there they were.
I didn’t recognize what it was at first. Randomly fanning/flipping through a few pages, I finally focused enough to figure it out.
I had been looking for a mailing envelope or one of those green marbley-looking cheap sleeves they used to give way back when you ordered actual picture prints by standing at a counter and filling out awkward envelopes.
Chronically arranged, in a sleeved booklet I had apparently decided need to be fancied up with scrapbook paper, was my lost capsule.
I wonder at the timing, wonder how I could not remember what I did.
Wondering. Just wondering.
Joyously sharing them with you now.
Thanks for helping me through this year of memories.