I make up words. So what? So did Shakespeare, albeit credited after demise. Making up words is an art. I love contractions. I love free form idioms; clever renaming summaries that short-cut it down from a sentence to a hyphenated get-the-point-across hybrid.
I haven’t been speaking a lot lately. So, what? I do when I have to; and only when I want to. Other than that, nothing much comes out. There are some bonuses to being quiet. Not engaging means people tend to avoid useless motor-mouth dribble. Most people; for some it doesn’t matter if you’re feigning disinterest or quite fully disinterested. They’ve got something to say, so say it they will. Being carefully silent cuts down on the drama, too. An open-to-interpretation, non-committal shrug is a good enough answer in most cases.
It began with a “shush,” and a startling admonition. Called out on over-sharing, caught between respect and heartbreak, at the time, I didn’t care for the way it was presented. Joel Osteen re-said it best recently, “If you can’t saying anything positive, at least be quiet.” There is embraceable wisdom in that.
My respectionary monster immediately reared its beastly head, then uglified the situation further by splitting into dueling definitions. Through the warring sides, and a muddle of heart-head chatter, I imaginary chalk-board Pro’s and Con’s. Here’s the Push-me-Pull-You:
My logical brain believes in respect owed for demandation. If that’s what’s been boldly determined, spoken from an earnest heart, well, ok. As you wish. I remind myself: A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. Proverbs 29:11
My emotional heart also believes in respect, in a slightly different context. It’s entirely true; I was having a long, hard run of luck. So awful it didn’t even qualify as bad-luck, terrible-luck, or even super unlucky luck. It was a dismal time. I was very much struggling.
When asked, “How’s it going?” I expected to be able to truthfully answer exactly how it was going. No holds barred, no reservation, no allowance, no five-second delay for mental check-listing the “do” or “don’t” conversation topics. Friendship doesn’t dictate what may or may not, will or will not be discussed. I operate as such: Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
It’s interesting to have made it to this age without setting boundaries for myself, or anyone else.
In a world of unacceptance, I have managed to live a life of sometimes detrimental over-acceptance.
Regarding over-sharing; I did. Far too much, for far too long; that onus is on me.
In discovering that respecting mental space is equally as important as respecting personal space, I’ve stumbled upon what I now know to be one of my fundamental truths.
Limitations aren’t for me. Either in the English language or in relationships.
Limited interactions are beyond my balance. I don’t do halves of anything.
If you want me in, you’re going to have to take all of me, as I am.
Reject me, and I’ll turtle; all out, no problem.
This isn’t a hurdle I need to get over. I won’t spend any more time maintaining the middle. I don’t have what it takes for long-term teeter-tot leveling.
After the push, and unexpected tumble, I’ve unwittingly found a solid landing.
I like the way this grounding feels. It’s nice to know where I stand.
I plan to stand here for a while.
Quotes for the week
“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” ― Elie Wiesel
“Yes. We both have a bad feeling. Tonight we shall take our bad feelings and share them, and face them. We shall mourn. We shall drain the bitter dregs of mortality. Pain shared, my brother, is pain not doubled, but halved. No man is an island.” ― Neil Gaiman, Anansi Boys
Enjoy this week’s discovery links:
No Holds Barred: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/no-holds-barred.html
Setting Healthy Boundaries: http://www.seniorhomesupport.org/Healthy%20Boundaries.html